why do i feel this way?

there again neverending dizzying cycle of life has me twisted into yet another repetitive dysfunctional exhausting place feeling like too many things are happening and nothings changed and this day and the other day and the next day are blurring together and part of me is sick waiting for the water waiting for the pain to begin or to cease at this point there is nothing i need something something to take me in and turn me about and make me rise and laugh and high and higher my hair wants to fly and my eyes want to sparkle my stomach is drowning in morose twitches my back tired of the bricks that are crushing the air from my lungs my legs are soft my teeth are aching my where is the promise time is passing newtime is the same as old time i was told it would be happy and new stale hot air blows into the cavern in my chest reminding teasing memories promises the hope how many times have i waited big challenges small victories hold on breathe them in stop unwrap the wound and let them heal they're still there moist and decaying give them sunlight and let them dry fear is your friend it helps you grow jump off the precipice lick the toads back and see the colors there's no other choice but to do what it is that you want do or the saturated hues will never penetrate your vision will never focus finish one thing move on to the next why am i dizzy why is this so hard when did one thing become five and five gave birth to five and now the things i have to do have great grandchildren i want to sleep but i never do i want to eat but it wont fill the void i want to connect feel love grab on hold tight climb the mountain yell scream fight kick and be the best person that i can be but i wont let myself there's the gag there's the noose there's the blindfold be good behave be smart be sane take give step by step little by little foot in the crack fingers in the nook up and away i'll be able to see past the mess and the clutter once i'm up there it will be new it will be mine it will be i will be i can be i want to be who is me

~jani rosado