A Letter to the Men in My Life
Even though you set fire to the house forever altering the family's ability to communicate and be vulnerable with one another I forgive you, Abuelo. Alcohol and the Korean War stunted you. I understand
Even though you left me before I got a chance to know what really having a father was, I have loved you and understand that your inability to be a parent wasn't due to lack of love, but because you were a dysfunctional eternal child, confused and burdened by life. Papi, I forgive you
Even though you tried not to tear my new flesh, babysitter's son of black hair, crystal blue eyes and lovely pink lips who I thought was my boyfriend; You thoroughly ripped away the essence of innocence that a child has the right to glow with, marking me as prey to those searching. But I not longer harbor sorrow or anger
Even though you leered, winked, stroked my arms, stole kisses and petted my hair pedophiles of the world; I have been cleansed of the insidious poison that you injected into my sexuality. I release you
Even though you tried to make me feel I was nothing special broke-ass-turned-millionaire-off-the sweat of my back, I am held in a place of honor by the husband you correctly predicted you would never be. I no longer remember what it was like to love you
Even though you made me feel insane, vibrating cold with anger, frustration and defeat until 5 am for you to get home; I'm proud of myself for leaving all your belongings on your cousin's stoop at 12pm when you were still nowhere to be found.
Even though you lied, yelled, threatened and berated me into a small box of regrets, Baby Daddy, my son is a gift that I can thank you for forever
Even though you used, underestimated, stripped me of my worth and made me have to start all over again
Even though you turned me away even as bathed you in my compassionate tears
Even though you wrapped my mind into a bundle of question marks
I rise meeting each new day proudly to create a new world for myself in which I am free from the burdens of my past
My heart is full, beating powerfully, loving wholeheartedly
My back is strong from the weight that it has carried
My hands build homes of purity and innocence
My smile is true and my words ring with honesty
My spirit soars, buoyed by the knowledge that I am all of the things I should not be
Even though you were all, and still are, a part of me
Even though you left me before I got a chance to know what really having a father was, I have loved you and understand that your inability to be a parent wasn't due to lack of love, but because you were a dysfunctional eternal child, confused and burdened by life. Papi, I forgive you
Even though you tried not to tear my new flesh, babysitter's son of black hair, crystal blue eyes and lovely pink lips who I thought was my boyfriend; You thoroughly ripped away the essence of innocence that a child has the right to glow with, marking me as prey to those searching. But I not longer harbor sorrow or anger
Even though you leered, winked, stroked my arms, stole kisses and petted my hair pedophiles of the world; I have been cleansed of the insidious poison that you injected into my sexuality. I release you
Even though you tried to make me feel I was nothing special broke-ass-turned-millionaire-off-the sweat of my back, I am held in a place of honor by the husband you correctly predicted you would never be. I no longer remember what it was like to love you
Even though you made me feel insane, vibrating cold with anger, frustration and defeat until 5 am for you to get home; I'm proud of myself for leaving all your belongings on your cousin's stoop at 12pm when you were still nowhere to be found.
Even though you lied, yelled, threatened and berated me into a small box of regrets, Baby Daddy, my son is a gift that I can thank you for forever
Even though you used, underestimated, stripped me of my worth and made me have to start all over again
Even though you turned me away even as bathed you in my compassionate tears
Even though you wrapped my mind into a bundle of question marks
I rise meeting each new day proudly to create a new world for myself in which I am free from the burdens of my past
My heart is full, beating powerfully, loving wholeheartedly
My back is strong from the weight that it has carried
My hands build homes of purity and innocence
My smile is true and my words ring with honesty
My spirit soars, buoyed by the knowledge that I am all of the things I should not be
Even though you were all, and still are, a part of me
posted by Jani Rose at
7:15 AM
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